Shimpai shinai de, baby (don't worry, baby)
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Will Ryousuke and Takumi ever come to an understanding that they've been denying all this time?


**Fandom: Initial D  
Title: Shimpai shinai de, baby. (don't worry, baby.)  
Pairing: Ryousuke x Takumi  
Rating: PG-13  
Description: ****Will Ryousuke and Takumi ever come to an understanding that they****'****ve been denying all this time?**

**Disclaimer - Initial D and **

**"****Stop Your Self Control****"**** aren****'****t mine.**

You can't understand anything.  
You have to race against him to fully comprehend the meaning of true power and skill.

Watching won't get you anywhere. Being there will only make you envious.

But if you never believed in magic, you'll have to rethink its presence in reality once you've finished the whole match. You'll never be the same.

I guarantee it to the point that  
I bet my life on that.

**Shimpai shinai de, baby. (don****'****t worry, baby.)  
By miyamoto yui**

"Takumi! How are you?" Itsuki happily said to me as I pulled into the gas station.

It wasn't like I hadn't worked here, but it was weird to come back to a place where you thought that wouldn't lead to anything else. What I meant was that you thought that life would continue as it would and things wouldn't change very much.  
And it was in this very place that changed my whole life. In challenges and a bouquet of flowers while carried on underestimations and proud comments, my life as a racer flourished.

In fact, it seemed that like the most important things happened here.

"How are you" wasn't such a simple, common place question anymore. It was something that I didn't know how to answer. Honestly, it was something I had to think about everyday.

"Fine. Just a lot of stuff, I guess," I answered, while scratching my head as I looked at him and Iketani-sempai.  
They started talking off about cars again and even though I nodded attentively, I was a million miles from where I stood.

Anywhere I was, I was here and not here simultaneously. I had become too tense.

The tofu runs, work, and Project D were the things that I felt I was rotated among. It wasn't me who was spreading himself anymore. I became consumed by everything.

At that moment, I held onto the 86 with one hand to keep my balance.

"Is there anything wrong, Takumi? You don't look so good," Itsuki commented suddenly as he patted my shoulder. "What's going on?"  
He knew the differences between all my silences. Because he was my best friend, he could feel something even though he couldn't understand what it all meant.

I shook my head. "I just haven't gotten enough sleep. That's all."  
"Oh." He lightly slapped my shoulder and gave me an encouraging smile. "Ah, Takumi, you can do anything!"  
Then, he grinned even wider at me.

I smiled back, even if it was just a little. As tired as I was, I was glad that I could always count on him. Then, I lifted up my hand. "I've gotta go do some errands, so I'll see you guys later, k?"

They both nodded and I went into my car, started the engine, and left.

When I was finished with all my errands, I went to the top of Akina. Today, there wasn't anybody there. I just turned off the engine and put my seat down, taking a deep breath.  
In fact, even though it was a little cold, I sat up, patted the steering wheel, and went outside.

I took out a cd player that Ryousuke-san had given to me and sat on the pavement. I didn't really care if my white shirt got dirty, so I laid on the ground and looked up to the sky.

"I just need to breathe," I found myself saying as I put the cd on random play.

I felt like I was living in this perpetual state of tension. No matter where I went or what I did, there was always some kind of pressure. Though I tried not to show it and even enjoyed some of it, there was still that part of me that was confused. My expectations seemed too overwhelming already, but to add that with Project D's…

Not to mention the space between those sharp, intelligent, and alluring eyes.

People were starting to call me a genius, but I was anything but. I just felt through everything. And I was coming to a point that I didn't know where to go or what to do about those skills until Ryousuke-san proposed the deal of participating in Project D.  
But with every new experience, there was equally a new kind of level that had to be surpassed all too suddenly. I held onto the steering wheel wanting not to lose control.

My car wasn't just my best friend or even my brother. We were extensions of one another.  
And if I did anything to it, I could feel it directly.

So, all in all, it was my body that I was hurting if I let myself go.

I looked up at the dark sky and watched the stars.  
When had I stopped doing this? When was the last time I spent my time doing absolutely nothing and just looked up at the stars that shined?

I almost forgot what life outside of my little world was. It was reality and yet it wasn't. It was there and people lived their lives and then there was mine. I wouldn't always be here at this place or time and that's what made this fun, exciting, and challenging.

"But what if I ever told you, 'I don't want to do this anymore'?"

I couldn't believe I even said it aloud. However, I could just imagine his crushed face if I even hinted towards that statement. That wasn't fair at all.  
It was our promise. It was my promise to Keisuke, and even more to Ryousuke.

I closed my eyes as "Lose your self-control" started to play through my ears.  
_  
/You play me like a flipper  
Up and down and left and right  
like a ball/ _

What would it feel like if it weren't a conflict of interests? I couldn't stand just being next to him anymore. Whenever I drove my car, I got distracted. I looked perfectly composed, but all the while, I was thinking of his voice, his words, and his eyes. I was thinking of the finishing line.

I was thinking of the day I would finally just stop being so wishy-washy about my feelings and finally ask him what the hell was happening to us. Was it just me? If it was, then it could be over. I could go on with life instead of holding my breath wondering what he would say to me after each match.

What was I? A little kid wanting compliments and affection from their most important person? That was stupid.

But maybe it was because it was different. I never felt that way before. For someone to totally focus on me with all of their care and motivation? It was strange, unnerving, and special altogether.  
Whatever it was, I had to find a way to stop thinking about all of this.

It was like planning for nothing at all.

For all I knew, Ryousuke was just being polite as he always was and I was just trying to see more with my crush on him. Yes, I had to admit to that much if I blushed relentlessly in front of him.

If I stared at his lips or looked at his face longer than discretion issued time for-  
_  
__/__Stop your self-control__./_

I opened my eyes widely, taking a deep breath as I changed the track on the cd player.  
I pushed my fingers on my forehead and then I sat up. Shaking my head, I felt my body start to harden from all the wrong thoughts that ran through my head mixing with all the anxieties that were already present inside my mind.

No. Not here. Gotta stop thinking about him…  
**  
/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+**

"It's finished."

I stopped typing my report and took a deep breath. I went out to the balcony and began to smoke a cigarette. I looked up to the moon and my mind started to wander.

I was sick of researching for everything so that I could prove my point for the damn paper. I was so tired of looking at the computer until my eyes began to grow heavy.

I was just exhausted from everything.

Whatever possessed me to be such a workaholic, I don't know. But now I couldn't stop. If I stood still like this for just one moment, I felt like I wasn't being productive. The one thing I hated feeling most was that of uselessness.  
Maybe that's why I was doing three papers at once while going around with Project D and working on its website every time I had a "break".

It wasn't work to me, but it took a lot of my time.

And just like my drive to work, I couldn't go one day without thinking about Fujiwara Takumi. I felt that if I didn't see him for too long, then there was something wrong with my day. I became somewhat irritated and even more unsociable because of it. I wondered when did I become so moody.

I guess I just got used to obsessing over him.

Ever since he beat Keisuke, I was so interested in the data he gave me. I was trying to understand what was the difference between talent and the factors that led to determined success. With every race, I became more eager to learn more.

He loved my game as much as I did.

I found someone who understood me in some way…  
And that alone was comforting.

It was also sad too. Was I ready to give my place to my brother and to him?

My question was answered not when he beat me. It was actually on the day I was going to personally give him the bouquet of roses. I had passed by one night on Akina. I saw him sitting alone in his car. He was sleeping, but he had a smile on his face.

I stopped right there, but he didn't wake up. Then, I left after five minutes.  
It wasn't because I was afraid of him seeing me there, but by the fact that I wanted to go into the 86 and disturb him. I wanted to go into that car and look into his eyes even deeper.

I closed my eyes and tried to think calmly as I drove away, but my heart was beating so fast that I didn't know what was happening to me.

And so, I didn't give him the bouquet after all. Instead, later, I ended up giving him a cd player with a cd I burned for him. I told him that it was something that calmed me down when I wanted to distract myself.

Without so much as a second thought, I took my keys and went out of my room. Keisuke wasn't surprised to see that I was awake because I was an insomniac, but his eyes immediately darted towards the keys I held in my hands.  
"Where are you going?" Even though he didn't want to sound worried, his honesty never failed him.  
"I'm going for a drive."  
"Oh," he answered me with a slight pout on his face.  
I reached out and patted his spikey hair. I couldn't kiss him anymore to tell him things were all right. I knew he was upset about all the attention I gave Takumi, but what could I do?  
Honestly, I didn't prefer one or the other in driving-

He held onto my sleeve as if to ask me to stay. Without a word, I pulled away and left.

I'm sorry, Keisuke. I felt guilty for him. I felt bad about the absurdity of my thoughts. But I couldn't stop.

I had to at least pass by Akina. And it had to be tonight.

That boy's driving me insane.

**/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+**

Takumi turned his head towards the car that was coming into the lot. He got up and saw that it was Ryousuke-san. Ryousuke-san blinked his eyes at him too.

They both hadn't expected this.

Ryousuke came out of his car and sheepishly laughed. "So, what are you doing here?"  
"I just came here to think. I've been doing it since I was a kid. You?"

Takumi almost felt like a child. In his head, he was teasing Ryousuke as if to say, "I caught you! Now I've got you!"  
It was petty, but there was just that perverseness in everybody to see Ryousuke-san sweat out a situation just once. Just ONCE. That was more than enough.

"I wanted to go out for a long drive. There's been too many things happening lately and if I didn't leave my room, I would go insane." Ryousuke looked at Takumi straight in the eye as he said this. He couldn't believe those words came out so naturally.

He hated how didn't say what he really felt inside and at the same time, he was happy he was blessed with the ability to be calm through everything. Well, almost everything.

Takumi was an exception to every rule he ever made for himself.

Feeling the tenseness, Takumi started to politely excuse himself. After all the images in his head, he couldn't stand in front of Ryousuke any longer. He was glad the 86 was blocking his way.  
The song played in his head.

**/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+**

Ryousuke-san, you've got to stop being so stern. I admire you for all that you are, but I don't know how I can get through. You're always so rigid that I get nervous. I don't ever know what I'm supposed to do.

When you touch my shoulder, I feel assured in some way that you care, but when you look away, I don't know what you're thinking.

"You've got to speak up sometimes," I found myself blurting out.

Then, I took a step back.

You looked at me with a face full of bemusement. "What do you mean? Don't I always comment when I need to?"

I lifted up my hand with an embarrassed face and I blushed so much that I felt my cheeks warming up quickly. "Forget it. I didn't mean that."

Then, I turned around to walk away. "I will talk to you tomorrow when we meet at the site."

But you grabbed my wrist. Then you looked at me with anxious eyes. "No, really. What did you say? I want to hear it."  
I tensed up even more, but he wouldn't let go.

I scratched my head. "Um…I said that you should speak up more."  
"About what? Don't I make my points clear?" He loosened his grip a bit.  
I was ready to step back.

"You always make your points clear."  
"Then what is wrong?"  
I shook my head. "Forget it. It was just a bad joke."  
"Fujiwara." You stepped forward and grabbed my chin. Your fingertips were so hot.  
"Ryousuke-san…"  
"I can't understand you if you don't tell me what's the problem."

I looked into his eyes and countered aloud, "I don't know what you're thinking if you don't tell me what's going on."  
"As in?"  
I sighed. "There's always tension. You always look like you're constrained when you're next to me."

Ryousuke flinched a bit. His usual composed face became a tad nervous.

"I don't understand how you can love your game so much and be so detached from your brother or me."

Ryousuke didn't say anything.

"Do you hate me or something? You always give me things, but you never want to touch me. You avoid my eyes whenever I'm alone with you, as if I'm not worth your time." I closed my eyes as I took a big gulp.

Then I turned my head away with Ryousuke slowly and finally letting go even though it felt like he didn't want to.

"You only look at me in the eye when it's business. But when I just want to talk to you as 'you', you avoid me."

**/+/+/+/+/+/**

There. He had said it.  
It hurt him. It made him bleed. It made his heart race even more.

He told what his mind was killing itself for months now.

Out of embarrassment, Takumi bowed. "I'm sorry. I think I've said too much. I guess I am too sleepy. I will talk to you tomorrow."  
He walked away quickly.

Ryousuke wanted to scream as his hands clenched and then let go. They clenched and let go.  
Calmly, all he could find himself saying was, "You've got it all wrong."

Takumi immediately stopped walking. "What do you mean?"  
There was a bit of hope in his voice.

Ryousuke was at a loss for words and Takumi looked into his eyes. He waited for an answer. Anything at all. Maybe he didn't want Ryousuke to feel uncomfortable after all. He was the one with all the answers and if he didn't know where they were going, how the hell was he supposed to know?  
What was there for him to lose? He was just a boy from some town with a good mountain racing record.

Ryousuke was the model student and one of the best mountain racers in the area. He was the eldest son in his family and he had a good life.

There was a clear difference of where they were, who they were, and where they were both going. Surely, it wasn't towards one another…

That was impossible, wasn't it? After all, if it weren't for racing, they wouldn't have been aware of each other's existence in the world.

Takumi smiled at him as best as he could. He was disappointed and he didn't know how to handle it. It was only Ryousuke that made him act outwardly what he truly felt inside, as if he could be fully honest about everything without holding back. In a sense, that is.

"I'll be going now." And then he went into his car and started up the engine. Without another word, he left.

Ryousuke didn't waste a second. He jumped into his car and chased after him.  
"I've got to tell you at least this much," he told himself as he watched the 86 and drove for his life.

It did mean the world to him.

He didn't know it until that very instant. "You know I'm not very good with things like this. So please be patient with me."  
Ryousuke almost wanted to laugh at the irrationality in all of his present actions.

"Are you crazy?!" Takumi shouted at the top of his lungs as they raced downhill. With each turn, he wanted to lose him so that Ryousuke would finally leave him alone.

One…Two...Three…  
There were thirteen full turns and Takumi could have driven this with his eyes closed. It was all so easy. Some part of him wanted to leave him alone, but the other part, shamefully, wanted to be chased by the White Comet of Akagi.

Ryousuke was the one whom people feared and respected for his charisma. But here he was in back of him and he could feel his feelings persist through his body.

His feelings hurt him to the point that he pushed more on the accelerator even though he knew he shouldn't have...

But all the while, they were both smirking at each other's intensity.

Takumi would look into his rearview mirror once in a while finding Ryousuke watching him, as if he had mastered Akina himself.  
"Have you been practicing without me, Ryousuke-san?" Takumi asked himself.  
"You won't leave me today, Fujiwara," Ryousuke said with a purr in his voice.

They continued on until they found themselves in some gas station far from any of their homes. As they put gas into their cars, Takumi stepped up to Ryousuke and shook his head.

"What is wrong with you?" he found himself saying in a shout whisper so that they wouldn't cause a scene. "Just leave me alone. You told me enough when you didn't answer."

He knew that wasn't what he really wanted to say. He knew that wasn't true. Ryousuke had said so much while they were driving. Even to go this far away was more than he needed to understand at that moment.

The song was beating into his heart and into his head more than ever.

_/Stop your self-control  
Just turn me up  
Just burn me up  
I'm gonna take on you  
So baby  
Stop your self-control/  
_  
Ryousuke shook his head. "No, we're continuing this. Just follow me."  
He grabbed onto Takumi's wrist for a second and then let go. Takumi's eyes looked at him in slight shock.

Was Ryousuke actually shaking?

When Ryousuke went into his car, he mumbled to himself. "I can't believe what I'm doing. This isn't like me."

They pulled into a hotel area and Takumi locked the door hesitantly. Without a word, Ryousuke took his hand and they both checked in.

As soon as they got to their room, Ryousuke took Takumi's wrist and threw him to the bed.

"Once I start something, I won't stop." His eyes never left Takumi's as he pulled on his tie.

Takumi looked up at him and took a deep breath before Ryousuke started kissing him while pulling off his clothes.  
"Fujiwara, you truly amaze me." At that moment, Ryousuke stared down at him and his body. He traced it with his fingers.

Then, they began to kiss all over again. They wrestled until all the blankets and the articles of clothing were thrown all over the room.

Takumi wanted to laugh, but he smirked at how the usually meticulous Ryousuke was as innocent as he was. They were both so awkward with one another, but he closed his eyes as he shouted Ryousuke's name over and over.

It was the same as when he was driving. Trying to get to the finish line to get to him.

"Ryousuke…" he breathless repeated like a mantra as Ryousuke put his hand on his chin with his middle finger touching the saliva from his teeth. He kissed his neck and then Takumi turned around. Pushing him this time on the bed, he kissed him with all he had to give. Ryousuke was awed at how much feeling Takumi gave to that kiss.

When it was morning, they hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. They were breathing heavily while Ryousuke pulled some of the blankets back onto the bed. Takumi was faced down on the mattress and looked at Ryousuke with a sleepy face, but with a warm grin, like a mischievous little kid.

"So what was it that you wanted to talk to me in the morning, Takumi?" Ryousuke asked as he laughed to himself.  
Takumi came over and bit his ear. "I blame this on the cd you gave me."  
"Then I thank the cd."

Takumi then closed his eyes as Ryousuke continued to watch him.

He wondered how he was going to deal with everything now from this new perspective. What were they going to do? What would he tell his brother? What was he going to tell everyone? How were they going to be after this?

But then, for the first time in his life, well-mannered Takahashi Ryousuke didn't give a damn.

Takumi smiled to himself. "I won you."

"Hmm? What did you say?" Ryousuke asked as he continued to look at Takumi.

It took so long for him understand Ryousuke. How could he have been so slow? Ryousuke didn't have to say a word. He always showed him with whatever he did and he tried to push that possibility away because he was scared of everything happening at once.

Takumi reached out his hand tiredly. Ryousuke found it and held it.

He sang in a whispered voice to his ear,  
"With me you can live on  
all the secrets you hold on to  
break away all those ties in your mind."

He held him tighter. The song wasn't only for him, but for himself.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't figure it out until now."

Takumi continued to sleep, but his mouth revealed that fabulous smile that he couldn't stop thinking about since that night at Akina.

And all the air he had been holding inside while crushing glass pieces in his head was put to rest. He let out a relieved sigh.

Without saying it, Takumi's eyes always told him, "You've got to learn to let go, Ryousuke. You've got to really trust me.

I will not break you.

Even though I might not look like it, you can count on me. I will take care of you."

The little boy that used to cry alone when people used to intentionally hurt him with their looks or insult them with their words out of jealousy and envy was finally comforted.  
He held onto Takumi even tighter than before and kissed the light-haired boy's neck while resting his head closely next to his. Ryousuke was also a jealous sort even though he didn't seem the type. "I'm not afraid to show you off to everyone that comes our way because I'm proud. And you are all mine, Fujiwara Takumi."

More than respect, love, or any prize ever given to him, he was most proud of what he held now between his arms. And like on Project D's provocative and conceited layout, he didn't mind letting their opponents think that they were arrogant.

He had his brother, Keisuke.  
And now, he had his Takumi. Ever since he met him, that alone was more than enough for him to be anything but modest.

He didn't have to know everything. He didn't have to keep up with all the expectations of the world except his own with Takumi's support. It was hard, but he finally would let go.

Finally, he closed his eyes and whispered, "Okay, I will trust you to take care of me."  
**  
Owari. / The End.**

**Author****'****s note: **This took too long to make (three days), but I really wanted to make it while structuring it a certain way. I wanted to carefully construct it, especially the chase scene.  
And so, here it is. I can't stand not reading anything more about them, so I made my own fanfic. ^^;; It was driving me nuts! (But I don't know whyI always picture them peacefully sleeping.)

-Yui  
**  
December 20, 2004, 2:23 AM  
**


End file.
